The Story of the Safe Recovery House

  • 10 November 2021
  • 3 replies
  • 57 views

I am having rtrouble. I would appreciate it if someone would critique my plea. Also explain to me the best way to expose it to the people that need to see it.  Thank you.


3 replies

Userlevel 5
Badge +4

Hey @Danny LaPrade. Wow, what an incredible story so far. I can see the fight for this cause that your team is putting up and it’s very inspirational. 

You’ve done a great job writing the story, but I do think that it could use some cutting down. Many people are on their cell phones, or don’t have much time to read a story of this size. I would cut it down into just a couple of paragraphs. Leave out the prior fundraising efforts, and even some of how this group came to be.   Instead, focus on who you are, what you’re fundraising for, how much you need, and by when, and the difference it would make to your organization.

 

Then, I would use the other portion of your content that talks about your organization’s origin story, previous pitfalls, and other anecdotes in several different updates. You can use it to build your fundraiser’s culture and share interesting information that people can read on a weekly basis. That will help to remind people about your fundraiser and inspire them to share multiple times, or donate more. 

 

Finally, I would remove the address at the very top. It’s pasted twice and it hides your story underneath the “Read More” tab.

 

For anyone else who reads this thread, here’s his fundraiser link for reference: https://www.gofundme.com/f/safe-recovery-house

Hey @Danny LaPrade. Wow, what an incredible story so far. I can see the fight for this cause that your team is putting up and it’s very inspirational. 

You’ve done a great job writing the story, but I do think that it could use some cutting down. Many people are on their cell phones, or don’t have much time to read a story of this size. I would cut it down into just a couple of paragraphs. Leave out the prior fundraising efforts, and even some of how this group came to be.   Instead, focus on who you are, what you’re fundraising for, how much you need, and by when, and the difference it would make to your organization.

 

Then, I would use the other portion of your content that talks about your organization’s origin story, previous pitfalls, and other anecdotes in several different updates. You can use it to build your fundraiser’s culture and share interesting information that people can read on a weekly basis. That will help to remind people about your fundraiser and inspire them to share multiple times, or donate more. 

 

Finally, I would remove the address at the very top. It’s pasted twice and it hides your story underneath the “Read More” tab.

 

For anyone else who reads this thread, here’s his fundraiser link for reference: https://www.gofundme.com/f/safe-recovery-house

Thank you so much for the advice, Jules! I am amazed that you took the time to read all that information and answer me so quickly. I will take your advice and redo works. Thank you again.

Userlevel 5
Badge +4

Of course! You and your team are awesome and I love what you’re doing. We need more people like you out there. 

 

Oh! And one more thing. If people are open to it, try to include some sort of group image of people who you work with. I know, a lot of it is anonymous, but if anyone is open to participating, it could help to humanize the page. 

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